Well folks, it’s official: My favorite activity is now everyone’s everyday. Stay at home and social distance yourself? Avoid contact with humans? Cool, I’ve got this. I’ve been training years for this. Being a homebody finally pays off, and all it took was a worldwide pandemic to justify it.
All jokes aside, I’m what you’d call an extroverted introvert. I like to think I’m outgoing, but it’s usually on my own terms and with people I’m comfortable around, or after I’ve had a couple drinks. I’ve never been one to jump into the middle of a conversation at a big party. Instead I’ll be the one laughing at my phone screen because of some meme, standing by the food because I don’t know what to do with my hands, or playing with the dog for *obvious* reasons.
Thanks undiagnosed social anxiety! You’re the best!
But if I’m comfortable around you, I don’t shut up (just ask my roommate or my brother or literally anyone I’m close with). My social anxiety is something I’ve dealt with most of my life. I was never the social butterfly or popular kid in school. I didn’t go to all the big high school parties. I had my group of friends and that was sufficient for me.
I’ve definitely used sarcasm and my lame sense of humor as a buffer (and weirdly enough, people think I’m funny). But I would never call myself a comedian, though I do enjoy making people laugh or having them roll their eyes at my stupid puns, dad-type jokes and all-around ridiculousness. My junior/senior year of high school was when I started to break out of my shell using sarcasm. It bit me in the butt a few times, like when Formspring used to be the happening website.
For those unaware, Formspring was a forum where people could answer users’ questions anonymously, and for whatever reason, I had one. I remember one night I logged on and saw I had responses to the question I posed. They were mean, off putting and the beginning of why social media kind of sucks (lol, I say that as I have Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat). And those remarks (though I can’t recall what they were now) obviously hurt me enough that I still remember Formspring 10 years later. (Fortunately it got shut down in 2013; unfortunately I can no longer log in and see just what a weirdo I was in high school. Sigh.)
Looking back, those trolls made me a stronger person. By the time I graduated college, I had fully hatched out of my shy shell and was appreciated for my sarcasm and interesting sense of humor. I had a great group of friends and met incredible people over those four years, and I still keep in touch with many of them today. Sure I still found myself holding back in situations where I was uncomfortable, but that’s just who I was and who I still am. I’m not going to let my social anxiety get the best of me, so if you see me off in a corner and observing everything around me, I’m not bored or lost. I’m having a good time, I swear, even though I’m definitely thinking about being at home in sweatpants watching Law and Order: SVU.
Comments