I’m sitting in front of my computer screen completely uninspired, my self esteem at an all-time low. In the last week alone, I’ve sent out almost three-dozen applications. And of those 30-ish applications, I heard back from one telling me they “won’t be moving forward at this time.”
It was for an editorial assistant position, which is basically a foot-in-the-door, entry-level opening for recent college graduates. I’ve been out of college for five years but was rejected from a position I would deem myself qualified for. Honestly — and not to toot my own horn — I’m probably overqualified. And maybe that’s why I was declined the position, but from my past experiences, I doubt it.
A few months ago I applied to a position at a large, widely read magazine based in Los Angeles. I thought I gave a great interview (especially for not having an interview in a few years) and I had positive camaraderie with the interviewer. But then I received an email a week or so later telling me I “didn’t have enough experience for the position.” And this wave continued with a few applications after that, telling me “there are other candidates whose qualifications…match our needs.”
This brings me to the point of this post: How do I get this experience I supposedly lack if I’m not provided the opportunity to receive any?
I get it. There may be jobs I’m severely under-qualified for, but for a copywriter position where I need to have three to five years of copywriting experience? My resume more than proves this isn’t my first rodeo. These jobs I’m applying to are all within my realm of expertise, so these questions arise:
Am I not as good a writer as I thought? Did my college professors and high school teachers lie to me? Should I be pursuing something else instead of wasting my time on Indeed, Glassdoor and LinkedIn?
The answer to all of these questions is I don’t know. I constantly get stuck in my head with these thoughts eating away at my creativity. I don’t want to keep being told I’m not good enough when I know, deep down, I am.
What’s even more frustrating than being told I lack experience is having that be the only excuse for why I didn’t secure the job. My dad used a great word (one I’d never heard before) to describe that excuse: milquetoast. It essentially means “weak,” “feeble,” “bland.” You get the gist. It’s calling that excuse lame as f*ck, and I’m over being rejected for something I have almost no control over.
“No control?” you may be asking yourself. “Of course you have control. It’s your life.” Blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, I know that. But I can only do so much as a job applicant. I need to be provided the experience in order to become experienced.
Living in Los Angeles in your 20s is already difficult. Trying to navigate your life with an immense amount of competition makes it even more terrifying and daunting. I ask myself every day if I made the right decision moving here five years ago, and the truth is I’m not sure. Is there a different place that would offer me more than what LA has? I’ve met unbelievable people but is that would should keep me here?
I don’t think I’m scared to leave LA. I just want it to work so badly here. My dream since I was in high school was to live and work in this city, and I really don’t want to see my dream fizzle out.
Am I happy working my retail job that grants me the freedom to pursue what I’m actually interested in in exchange for my sanity and overall mental health? Absolutely not. Am I proud of what I’ve accomplished since moving out west? Yes and no. I just need a single person to give me a chance, for them to see my resume and go, “Wow, she’d be great here.” But how in the hell is that to happen if no one grants me that wish?
Someone, for the love of G-d, grant me that wish because I’m tired of not feeling good enough.
*Disclaimer: I know some people might be a bit distraught after reading this, but know I’m OK. I’m a bit disheartened, but I’m OK. This was just something I needed to write about.*
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